Hereby would like to share the joy and happiness of a friend of mine, who is registering for marriage next two weeks. What makes me feel very happy for her is that her love story is going to have a happy ending, in other words, a happy beginning for family life.
She has a very impressive love story: started the story when she was 15 with her first love and ended in tying the knot after 10 years.To make myself clear, I am not promoting students to go for dating while in the midst of pursing education, as it is the golden period of enjoying student life to the fullest. Learn and have fun in learning as much as you can, as you will have to face the life of putting bread and butter on table as you get older. And that time, you can enjoy love, bread and butter at the same time.
People usually say first love never work, well, both of them made it work.Whether the theory is wrong or whether it was because of their effort that made the relationship last is up for you to ponder.
Below are some fragments of their love story,it's my small little gift for them:
Stand By Us
We started the journey a decade ago
That time we were still some high school kiddos
Remembering how we chat online till midnight
And before exam, sharing sleepless nights
You know that I have a bad temper
But because of you, I am being pampered
Whenever I throw my temper
You will always be the comforter
Whenever I make any mistakes
You will point it out without hesitate
Just like a friend of sincere heart
All for the sake of making me right
You picked me up with your decade old van
And drove to where we usually went
What vehicle did not make any difference
It was you by my side that made the difference
Many times we went for dinner
You insisted on being the payer
Wherever we went, whatever we had
With you, I always have the best meal ever
Many times when you knocked on the door
You would be greeted by abhor
With all the cynicism you silently accept
You never gave up on us or showed regrets
Whether it is a bumpy ride
Or a smooth sailing ride
I am brave enough to face the tide
Because I know
We will always stand by each other's side
Thanks for passing your luck and happiness!
Congratulations!
I found an informative article titled
" 10 Conditions to be Spouses" from 浪漫一生. Hearsay, "love is blind",
but anyhow, the blind walks with a walking stick. Let's hope that this article
will be the walking stick. The article is just some common sense that are not
taught in school, but I find it rather handy for those that are in a romantic
relationship and having the idea of sharing a lifetime together. though I
believe that those that are in the stage of making this lifetime decision may
have thoroughly scrutinize on the matter. It's better to think thoroughly than
to regret later, as it may involve more people in the tragedy as time goes on.
Kids are always the victims of a failed marriage, as they need to suffer the
consequences of the actions of their parents. No debate on that.
The original article is in Mandarin,
hereby I will translate and edit it into English with my personal notes will be
in italic purple. My motivation of doing this? Simple. It is a gift with the
hope that there will more happy couples and more kids having happy
families.
1)
Friends
Are youfriends with common topics?
As a couple, befriending each other is
just the basic, and not to mention that, aside from being “just friends”, you
should be good friends, besties, or whatever you want to call it. Unless you
want to be there for each other just to pass down your DNAs, if not, you should
have the basic foundation. Else, the legitimate relationship will not last
long.
S.L.α:Besties
may not necessary will be good couple, but couple for sure will have better
chances and potential to be good besties. Well, there's a lifetime together,
no? Marriage is not a grave for man or woman, if we know very well how not to
turn it into our own graves.
2) Perception
Are you sharing somewhat some similar
perception and values towards life?
Birds of a feather flock together;
friends should have shared some common basic understandings towards life. With
that at least, each other will be able to have mutual understanding, else, how
both individuals become friends without mutual understanding?
Friends’ aside, for couples to live
together in the long term will definitely have to share the common values of
life. If both individuals have different pursuit of life and goals as well
as vast difference in perception, it's up to the individuals to ponder ways of
continuing the relationship.
S.L.α: No two humans have the exact same brain structure
and the way of perceiving things. Unless they are 100% identical twins who are
able to communicate through telepathy, the possibility of sharing such
commonality is out of the topic. It's great that both of you share the same
perception of life and things most of the time, but it's not a bad thing if you
both have different views too. Sometimes, looking things from his/her angle,
can be quite fun, as long as you don't force your idea on each other. Embrace
each other’s differences, and have fun sharing different perceptions. Mutual
support and respect are very important for two unique individuals with
different ways in looking at life.
3) Trust
Do you
trust each other?
Understanding
is the basic in socializing, not to mention that it is the foundation in a legitimate
relationship. At least, have a basic understanding of his/her family
background, education, personality, character, habits etc.
Having
merely understanding is not enough, you have to ask yourself whether you are
able to accept what you have understood and have trust in him/her, and
that's who we called "spouse".
S.L.α: The most
interesting part in getting to know somebody is in the process of understanding
the person. It's like fixing thousands pieces of an unknown jigsaw puzzle. The
surprise comes when the puzzle becomes a piece and reveals the whole picture.
Choices are yours to decide what to do with your puzzle. Somehow there will be people who will let go of you after looking at your "puzzle", thank them for
their mercy. It is better for them to leave you at this point in time than
later in life where there is no turning back.
When you
have decided to “keep” the puzzle, have trust. It is the trust in yourself and
the trust in him/her. We all know how important trust is, so as believe and
faith.
4) Communication
Are
you able to communicate well when both of you are in a conflict? Conflicts are
unavoidable in human relationships, what’s more that the probability of having
conflicts is higher among spouses who have to face each other every day.
The scariest part of having conflict is
not the conflict itself; it is how people are unable to properly communicate
with each other and intensifying a small matter. So couples, the foundation of
becoming spouses? Communication, for sure!
S.L.α: Besides
having the intelligence level and conscience that distinguish humans, animals
and plants, the third characteristic will be ego. Yes, E.G.O. I call it
“Everyone Get Out!” and leave me and only me alone as the king of the world.
The ego intensifies when we are in a conflict. It is humans’ nature to have the
perception that what we do and think are somewhat more “truthful” than others.
Thus, we do make mistakes and say something improper when we are all heated up.
Before that happen, walk away and have some time being the king of the world,
and get back to reality as soon as our anger cools off. Indeed, it feels pretty
good to be the king, but what’s the fun when nobody is there to share it with
you? Find ways of communication which will be effective for both of you.
5) Sacrifice
Do you have the spirit of sacrifice and
dedication?
The relationship between spouses is a
combination of rights and obligation, what you get may not be in proportion or
equal to what you have put in. One of you may have contributed more than the
other in your relationship. As you could not put everything into account and
weight each and every matter, spouses should have a spirit of sacrifice and
dedication. There is no debtor or creditor in a marriage, nor there is any
difference in distinction. The willingness to contribute and to sacrifice is
one of the basics of becoming spouses.
S.L.α:
We may come from different family backgrounds, receive different levels
of education etc, despite of all these differences, there should not be any difference
in the level of distinction. Having better background or higher level of
education does not mean that you are being superior of another in the social
entity -- family, which is first formed by two individuals. Thus, both parties
should have equal contribution in a relationship, eventhough it may not always
be equal in reality. The relationship will not last long if it is depending on
only one party’s contribution in maintaining it. Obligations, rights and
dedication should all be shared.
6) Tolerance
Are you able to tolerate with each
other?
People make
mistakes and have shortcomings.Because
spouses have closer proximity, therefore it is easier to discover each other’s
mistakes and shortcomings. Thus, spouses should have tolerance and be able to
rationally look at other party’s mistake and shortcoming with an open mind,
neither too picky nor condone without principles.
Tolerate trifles
of shortcomings and mistakes, and help each other to correct the significant
mistakes and shortcomings are vital in self improvement between couple.
S.L.α: Learn
from each other and grow together, that’s the best part of sharing your life
with someone.
7) Interests
Do you share the
same interests? Different people have different hobbies and interests. Yet, as
a couple, you should maintain common viewpoints in hobbies, interests, fun facts,
so that your hearts will not go astray
Couples who share common interests will be able to live happily in the long
term than those who do not.
S.L.α: Find some
interests or hobbies where both of you can do together, it is more fun to play
together than playing alone, no?
8) Support
Are you able to
withstand the test of life and support each other?
The important
difference between love and marriage is that, marriage involves more real life
pressure and issues, and marriage is more cumbersome and boring, thus there
will be more difficulties and problems encountered by spouses.
Be it husband or
wife, whether it is about life or about work, he/she will encounter some unexpected
problems. Getting unwavering support from each other is the key for solving the
problems. If any party retreat when a problem is encountered, it will be
difficult for the marriage to continue.
S.L.α: Problems
are everywhere. You can choose to fight or flee. The problems will still recur
no matter how many zillion times you flee. Fight along each other instead of
running for your life and leaving the other party behind. We have heard of the
story of the bear and the two friends before. We know how the feeling is when
we are being abandoned in the midst of facing obstacles. Let’s not repeat the
story. Two is better than one, no? There are no problems that you cannot solve
with the support of each other. Support each other physically, mentally and emotionally. Stand by each other and fight along gloriously,
and those moments will always be the most spectacular bedtime stories for your
generations ahead.
9) Family
Are you able to
accept each others’ loved ones?
Many young lovers often
overlook this point, with the belief that marriage is the private affairs
between the two of them without the need for other considerations. This is
definitely a naive romanticism.
Marriage is not
only two persons’ affair; it is also two families’ affair. Besides loving each
other, you will also have to accept each other’s family members. If you are not
able to tolerate his/her family members, and they are unable to stop
interfering about the matters between both of you,then your future married life will be a
recipe for disaster.
S.L.α:
Something unique about marriage is that, it brings two families together
and becomes a larger family, all blood unrelated individuals being related by
law. You will have additional parents to love you and additional family members
to support and be there for you. There is a Chinese proverb saying, “Easy to
meet up, yet difficult to get along”. It is unavoidable that two families
coming from different backgrounds will have some frictions and disputes on some
matter, but with respect and forgiveness, a “civil war” can be avoided.
We all
love our family members as they are the people who we have spent decades
together, and they are the reason of our existence. We want them to be accepted
and be treated as how we have treated them. Treat his/her family members as
your own, as they already are, at the moment you speak your vow and sign your
“contract for a lifetime”. The key is, both sides are your family members,
after all.
10) Economy
Do you have the
economic foundations?
Being
suitable for love and dating does not mean that both of you are suitable to get
married, because marriage something involves more of bread and butter other
than romantic issues. Without the economic necessity, the marriage will not be
able to go on. Two artsy individuals may not be suitable of becoming spouses,
due to the reason that they may indulge in their own romantic art of living
without knowing how to put bread and butter on the table.
S.L.α:
Let's admit, it is something unromantic which is called life. If you
grow up reading Shakespeare, you have to face the reality that if Romeo and
Juliet were to escape the romantic suicide, they still have to work on filling
up their stomach, now without the support of their massive family inheritance
and family support. Prince and princess who escape to the peasants’ world will
become peasants too. They maybe lovey dovey everyday, but for sure bread and
butter are the major concern everyday than the romantic item you called love.
If you have strong faith and support for each other, I believe that should not
be a problem after all.
P/S: All above are for reference only, no professional advice involved.
BoysLikeGirls - Two is better than one
“For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”
―
Stephanie Perkins,
Anna and the French Kiss
