Saturday, 8 March 2014

Ladies with Pride 自豪俏佳人

I found Indomitable Spirit 顶天立地 describes men, and ladies, I found a song for you. Regardless of whether the song fits the description about you, one fact for sure, you play a vital role in the society. How the world perceive you is the world's matter; be proud, head's up and love who you are.

Ladies, Happy International Women's Day!

I don't need a man - Miss A

English Lyrics:

This is for all the independent ladies
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Let’s go

I can live well without a man
So if you’re not sure, don’t come to me
I don’t sell myself to anyone, because
I don’t need a man I don’t need a man (What?)
I don’t need a man I don’t need a man (Really?)
I don’t need a man I don’t need a man (For real?)
I don’t need a man I don’t need a man
I can live well without a man

I pay my rent with my money
I buy my own food, I buy my own clothes
It may not be enough but I'm satisfied
That is why I love myself (hey)

I don’t want to spend my parent’s allowance as my own
I’m too old for that
Isn’t it a given to not be burdensome to them?
That is why I feel honourable (hey)

Boy don’t say
“I’ll take care of you, I’ll cherish you” no no
Boy don’t play
If you’re not gonna come with a serious mind

Being cocky won’t work with me
I don’t know about anywhere else
I may not be as well off as you but
I overflow with confidence
That’s why I love myself (hey)

I want to take care of myself
The other girls may have rich parents or a rich boyfriend
And live comfortably but I’m not interested in that
That is why I am proud of myself (hey)

Boy don’t say
“I am your future, trust and lean on me” no no
Boy don’t play
If you’re not gonna respect me

I wake up early every morning
And I’m busy all day
I don’t even eat a proper meal
But I do this because I like it
The money may be little but it’s from my own sweat
This isn’t a ring that a boyfriend bought me
My car, my clothes – I bought it all on my own
I bought them after putting money into savings, after giving allowance to my parents
If you trust men, what will you do when they leave you?
Are you jealous of me?
If you’re jealous, you lose

Freedom: To ask nothing.

To expect nothing.

To depend on nothing.

― Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Love who you are,
S.L.α

Friday, 14 February 2014

Role Playing 角色扮演

Do you have the 5 Cs?

There was a chocolate advertisement which I found very amusing, in the sense of how it depicted the concerns of parents:

A lady brought her boyfriend home for dinner. He was surrounded by her "concerned" family members like being surrounded by a swarm of bees. As he was already nervous for his first visit to her house, he was being fired by questions.

"Do you have a car?" her mother asked the first question.

He was surprised by her question. Not given another second to answer the first question, he was fired by another question.

"Do you have a condo?" this was asked by her aunt.

"Do you have club membership?" her mother asked again.

"Do you have credit cards?"One of her relatives asked.

"Do you have cash?" Lastly, this was asked by her mom.

It's a hilarious advertisement, I believe it looks familiar to you.

Role Playing

Whether you have come across of 5Cs or 6 Cs or more Cs as a guideline in finding a “qualified” partner and whether you found these guideline useful, I found something simpler thorough my one decade.

If you can:

Be each other's lover,

share your love, joy and sorrow

Be each other's soul mate,

share your deepest thoughts and feelings

Be each other's parent,

patiently guide and care for each other just like how your parents did to you

Be each other's sibling,

share what you have and have constructive quarrels

Be each other's friend,

share your interests, hobbies and have fun together

Be each other's classmate,

share your knowledge, learn and grow together

Be each other's harbour,

provide unwavering support and protection

Be each other's home,

where both of your hearts belong.

Then, you don’t need any 5 or 6 Cs in a person to be qualified as your life partner. It is all just role playing. The best part is, for those RPG lovers, you can have RPG in life too.

Have fun with your lifetime role playing.

Happy Double Valentine's Day.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. -Lao Tzu

With love,

S.L α

I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden

Wednesday, 1 January 2014

Live On 活下去

The Force of Gravity

2 days after Christmas, I happily went for shopping around a mall in the center of the city. Crowds and Christmas decorations were visible, seemed like the presence of Christmas still lingered.

The crowds grew as the day got darker. And so as my day.

While on my few steps of venturing into a shop, a scream followed by a loud thud was heard. The crowds of the whole building rushed to the center of the floors to have a look to the source of the sound.

On the ground floor of the concourse, a man was lying there lifeless with his face facing up, with his bones in his legs being dis-positioned.

According to those who knew about the incident, it was suicide. The man, in his early 20's, jumped from the 9th floor of the building. Was the force of gravity that ended his life or he had used the force of gravity to end his life? The final decision lay in his hand.

The incident lingers in my mind till now. I could not sleep on that night with the vivid image of the man in my mind. Unable to believe that I had the probability of encountering this incident, and unable to erase off the image of the man. To make things worse, recently, I get to know that 4 suicide cases had happened in that building for the year of 2013. And one of the cases happened on the floor that I had my shopping. Despite all these cases, no structural changes can be seen in the building to prevent these tragedies from recurring.

A coward who barely survived

How fragile mankind is, both physically and mentally. We can be destroyed by force or by ourselves. And suicide is one way of doing it. Let us be frank to ourselves, there must be once or twice, or many more times when we think about ending our life when we were facing extreme difficulties. The fear of being doomed by the difficulties is far more greater than ending our life. It is something called desperation that acts as the causation of all these tragedies.

I will be frank here, previously I also had thoughts of ending myself. So absurdly coward? Yes, I have to admit. Yet, when it came to the time of taking action, my courage failed me when the thoughts of how I barely survived from incidents that nearly kill me emerged. Three incidents nearly took my life： sickness, man made incident and road incident. Thinking of how I stubbornly fought for my breath to survive the sickness and how barely enough of luck I had to escape my way to hell from the two incidents, and the images of my family shattered my courage of killing myself.

Alternatives

Desperation is really a strong feeling. Especially for some with rich emotions, it is a feeling which is hard to fight off. It is difficult, but not impossible. If desperation ever lingers and prompts the mind to end problems by ending one's life, ask yourself, "Does it really have to end like this? Is there really no way out at all or just the way out is too difficult?"

So, how difficult it is?

Financial difficulties

Right. We all have to face it. To survive needs money. Unless you are living like the hippies then money is not a problem at all.

If you are at the verge of bankruptcy, talk to your lenders to find out more solutions. Maybe setting up some easy payment plan, or ask them whether they can offer you employment and deduct your debts through your monthly salary. Remember, they only want their money back, not your life.

If you only have few pennies left for the whole month, search for any government bodies or non-profit organizations that offer shelter, food and clothing for you to survive for the month while searching for employment.

Talk to your family members, relatives or friends. They maybe able to offer helping hand to you. Just remember to repay them when you are capable. You can even talk to trained social helpers for their advice. But it will be better to talk to trained financial advisers that offer free of charge service for more professional advice on matters especially about financial problems and solutions.

It will be difficult at first to face the reality of losing money and also pride at the same time. But, mankind will not die losing those, they will die if they lose the meaning of life. You can lose your pride but not the dignity or respect to yourself. Respect yourself, live on.

Love

Live for love, die for love. Glorious. But somehow people misinterpret the underlying meaning. We will leave the job of interpreting the meaning of the sentence to the experts for now.

One thing we need to accept the fact is, the person who leaves us, though we had tried our very best to keep him (also refers to her), will not be back even if we kill ourselves for the person. We may think that our action will at least leave a deep impression as a way of torturing him for the rest of his life, well, what is the point of doing that since we will not be there to witness his sufferings? Besides, for a person that can leave that easily, it can be easily understood that he will never care whatever happened to us, no? What's more, as time passes, we will be long forgotten. So, what is the point of killing ourselves for the sake of being forgotten by an unworthy person? To us, he is important, but are we as equally important to him?

The stabbing pain of love of no return, we all know. If we had worked hard to keep but still unable to retain, it's not our fault, we can only blame the fate. If we have been hurt, let go of the knife that bleeds us, because we have been gripping on tightly in our palm.

Love, comes from lover, and it also comes from family, friends and the world. We can have all of them, only if we do not end our life for one unworthy person. Respect love, live on.

Family

It is the source of support, it is also the source of breaking us. They are the people closest to us, people that we have been spending one quarter of our life with.

Each family has its own problems. Where people exist, where problems rise. Quarrels, arguments and fights are normal among family members. And since they are closest to us, their actions and words hurt us more than anyone else. Temper and emotions are very hard to be controlled when we are heated up. We may say some harsh and unintended words in a fight. We maybe told that we are unworthy, be told to die etc. At the verge of negative emotions, we maybe induced to really "go and die". But come to think of it, must it necessary to take their words when they do not intend it? Well, we don't "go and die" when people tell us to, that is rather irrational and dim-witted.

For those who are the only descendant of the family that have to undertake the obligations and responsibilities of the whole family, it will be like a snail bearing its shell on its body wherever it goes. Heavy, but unavoidable. Being trapped financially or mentally really tear us apart. The struggle to meet both end only will be comprehended by those in the same shoes. When the pressure exceeds the threshold, we may feel the urge of giving all up. It seems to be an easy way out but come to think of it, our family has been there for us for years and they too had been through all the roughs and ease, it will be very selfish of us to abandon them when they need us the part just because of some life problems which we think that can only be solved by killing ourselves.

Since that it is destined that we are the ones to undertake these obligations, why not face it with courage and take it up with pride? It is not something that anyone will be able to handle, and that adds more challenge and pride when we can prove to the world that we are able to do it. Respect your family, live on.

Whatever life problems that we encounter, suicide is not the easy way out. The road ahead may be difficult, but we will not be given problems which we cannot solve. The problems which may seem unsolvable at this point in time, may be only a trivial matter when we recall about it when we have wrinkles and silver hair. We will die one day, but it is better to die of old age with a meaningful life than to die as a coward who attempts to escape problems but in the end, failed so. Respect life, live on.

I don’t run away from a challenge because I am afraid. Instead, I run towards it because the only way to escape fear is to trample it beneath your foot. -Nadia Comaneci

Hereby would like to share with you one of my favourite poem which I find it very inspirational and motivational:

If—By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Live on,

S.L.α

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Stand By Us 你我同在

Hereby would like to share the joy and happiness of a friend of mine, who is registering for marriage next two weeks. What makes me feel very happy for her is that her love story is going to have a happy ending, in other words, a happy beginning for family life.

She has a very impressive love story: started the story when she was 15 with her first love and ended in tying the knot after 10 years.To make myself clear, I am not promoting students to go for dating while in the midst of pursing education, as it is the golden period of enjoying student life to the fullest. Learn and have fun in learning as much as you can, as you will have to face the life of putting bread and butter on table as you get older. And that time, you can enjoy love, bread and butter at the same time.

People usually say first love never work, well, both of them made it work.Whether the theory is wrong or whether it was because of their effort that made the relationship last is up for you to ponder.

Below are some fragments of their love story,it's my small little gift for them:

Stand By Us

We started the journey a decade ago
That time we were still some high school kiddos
Remembering how we chat online till midnight
And before exam, sharing sleepless nights

You know that I have a bad temper
But because of you, I am being pampered
Whenever I throw my temper
You will always be the comforter

Whenever I make any mistakes
You will point it out without hesitate
Just like a friend of sincere heart
All for the sake of making me right

You picked me up with your decade old van
And drove to where we usually went
What vehicle did not make any difference
It was you by my side that made the difference

Many times we went for dinner
You insisted on being the payer
Wherever we went, whatever we had
With you, I always have the best meal ever

Many times when you knocked on the door
You would be greeted by abhor
With all the cynicism you silently accept
You never gave up on us or showed regrets

Whether it is a bumpy ride
Or a smooth sailing ride
I am brave enough to face the tide
Because I know
We will always stand by each other's side

Thanks for passing your luck and happiness!
Congratulations!

Love Story - Taylor Swift

All the happiness in the world,
S.L α

10 Conditions to be Spouses 10个成为夫妻的前提

I found an informative article titled " 10 Conditions to be Spouses" from 浪漫一生. Hearsay, "love is blind", but anyhow, the blind walks with a walking stick. Let's hope that this article will be the walking stick. The article is just some common sense that are not taught in school, but I find it rather handy for those that are in a romantic relationship and having the idea of sharing a lifetime together. though I believe that those that are in the stage of making this lifetime decision may have thoroughly scrutinize on the matter. It's better to think thoroughly than to regret later, as it may involve more people in the tragedy as time goes on. Kids are always the victims of a failed marriage, as they need to suffer the consequences of the actions of their parents. No debate on that.

The original article is in Mandarin, hereby I will translate and edit it into English with my personal notes will be in italic purple. My motivation of doing this? Simple. It is a gift with the hope that there will more happy couples and more kids having happy families.

1) Friends

Are you friends with common topics?

As a couple, befriending each other is just the basic, and not to mention that, aside from being “just friends”, you should be good friends, besties, or whatever you want to call it. Unless you want to be there for each other just to pass down your DNAs, if not, you should have the basic foundation. Else, the legitimate relationship will not last long.

S.L.α: Besties may not necessary will be good couple, but couple for sure will have better chances and potential to be good besties. Well, there's a lifetime together, no? Marriage is not a grave for man or woman, if we know very well how not to turn it into our own graves.

2) Perception

Are you sharing somewhat some similar perception and values towards life?

Birds of a feather flock together; friends should have shared some common basic understandings towards life. With that at least, each other will be able to have mutual understanding, else, how both individuals become friends without mutual understanding?

Friends’ aside, for couples to live together in the long term will definitely have to share the common values of life. If both individuals have different pursuit of life and goals as well as vast difference in perception, it's up to the individuals to ponder ways of continuing the relationship.

S.L.α: No two humans have the exact same brain structure and the way of perceiving things. Unless they are 100% identical twins who are able to communicate through telepathy, the possibility of sharing such commonality is out of the topic. It's great that both of you share the same perception of life and things most of the time, but it's not a bad thing if you both have different views too. Sometimes, looking things from his/her angle, can be quite fun, as long as you don't force your idea on each other. Embrace each other’s differences, and have fun sharing different perceptions. Mutual support and respect are very important for two unique individuals with different ways in looking at life.

3) Trust

Do you trust each other?

Understanding is the basic in socializing, not to mention that it is the foundation in a legitimate relationship. At least, have a basic understanding of his/her family background, education, personality, character, habits etc.

Having merely understanding is not enough, you have to ask yourself whether you are able to accept what you have understood and have trust in him/her, and that's who we called "spouse".

S.L.α: The most interesting part in getting to know somebody is in the process of understanding the person. It's like fixing thousands pieces of an unknown jigsaw puzzle. The surprise comes when the puzzle becomes a piece and reveals the whole picture. Choices are yours to decide what to do with your puzzle. Somehow there will be people who will let go of you after looking at your "puzzle", thank them for their mercy. It is better for them to leave you at this point in time than later in life where there is no turning back.

When you have decided to “keep” the puzzle, have trust. It is the trust in yourself and the trust in him/her. We all know how important trust is, so as believe and faith.

4) Communication

Are you able to communicate well when both of you are in a conflict? Conflicts are unavoidable in human relationships, what’s more that the probability of having conflicts is higher among spouses who have to face each other every day.

The scariest part of having conflict is not the conflict itself; it is how people are unable to properly communicate with each other and intensifying a small matter. So couples, the foundation of becoming spouses? Communication, for sure!

S.L.α: Besides having the intelligence level and conscience that distinguish humans, animals and plants, the third characteristic will be ego. Yes, E.G.O. I call it “Everyone Get Out!” and leave me and only me alone as the king of the world. The ego intensifies when we are in a conflict. It is humans’ nature to have the perception that what we do and think are somewhat more “truthful” than others. Thus, we do make mistakes and say something improper when we are all heated up. Before that happen, walk away and have some time being the king of the world, and get back to reality as soon as our anger cools off. Indeed, it feels pretty good to be the king, but what’s the fun when nobody is there to share it with you? Find ways of communication which will be effective for both of you.

5) Sacrifice

Do you have the spirit of sacrifice and dedication?

The relationship between spouses is a combination of rights and obligation, what you get may not be in proportion or equal to what you have put in. One of you may have contributed more than the other in your relationship. As you could not put everything into account and weight each and every matter, spouses should have a spirit of sacrifice and dedication. There is no debtor or creditor in a marriage, nor there is any difference in distinction. The willingness to contribute and to sacrifice is one of the basics of becoming spouses.

S.L.α: We may come from different family backgrounds, receive different levels of education etc, despite of all these differences, there should not be any difference in the level of distinction. Having better background or higher level of education does not mean that you are being superior of another in the social entity -- family, which is first formed by two individuals. Thus, both parties should have equal contribution in a relationship, eventhough it may not always be equal in reality. The relationship will not last long if it is depending on only one party’s contribution in maintaining it. Obligations, rights and dedication should all be shared.

6) Tolerance

Are you able to tolerate with each other?

People make mistakes and have shortcomings. Because spouses have closer proximity, therefore it is easier to discover each other’s mistakes and shortcomings. Thus, spouses should have tolerance and be able to rationally look at other party’s mistake and shortcoming with an open mind, neither too picky nor condone without principles.

Tolerate trifles of shortcomings and mistakes, and help each other to correct the significant mistakes and shortcomings are vital in self improvement between couple.

S.L.α: Learn from each other and grow together, that’s the best part of sharing your life with someone.

7) Interests

Do you share the same interests? Different people have different hobbies and interests. Yet, as a couple, you should maintain common viewpoints in hobbies, interests, fun facts, so that your hearts will not go astray

Couples who share common interests will be able to live happily in the long term than those who do not.

S.L.α: Find some interests or hobbies where both of you can do together, it is more fun to play together than playing alone, no?

8) Support

Are you able to withstand the test of life and support each other?

The important difference between love and marriage is that, marriage involves more real life pressure and issues, and marriage is more cumbersome and boring, thus there will be more difficulties and problems encountered by spouses.

Be it husband or wife, whether it is about life or about work, he/she will encounter some unexpected problems. Getting unwavering support from each other is the key for solving the problems. If any party retreat when a problem is encountered, it will be difficult for the marriage to continue.

S.L.α: Problems are everywhere. You can choose to fight or flee. The problems will still recur no matter how many zillion times you flee. Fight along each other instead of running for your life and leaving the other party behind. We have heard of the story of the bear and the two friends before. We know how the feeling is when we are being abandoned in the midst of facing obstacles. Let’s not repeat the story. Two is better than one, no? There are no problems that you cannot solve with the support of each other. Support each other physically, mentally and emotionally. Stand by each other and fight along gloriously, and those moments will always be the most spectacular bedtime stories for your generations ahead.

9) Family

Are you able to accept each others’ loved ones?

Many young lovers often overlook this point, with the belief that marriage is the private affairs between the two of them without the need for other considerations. This is definitely a naive romanticism.

Marriage is not only two persons’ affair; it is also two families’ affair. Besides loving each other, you will also have to accept each other’s family members. If you are not able to tolerate his/her family members, and they are unable to stop interfering about the matters between both of you, then your future married life will be a recipe for disaster.

S.L.α: Something unique about marriage is that, it brings two families together and becomes a larger family, all blood unrelated individuals being related by law. You will have additional parents to love you and additional family members to support and be there for you. There is a Chinese proverb saying, “Easy to meet up, yet difficult to get along”. It is unavoidable that two families coming from different backgrounds will have some frictions and disputes on some matter, but with respect and forgiveness, a “civil war” can be avoided.

We all love our family members as they are the people who we have spent decades together, and they are the reason of our existence. We want them to be accepted and be treated as how we have treated them. Treat his/her family members as your own, as they already are, at the moment you speak your vow and sign your “contract for a lifetime”. The key is, both sides are your family members, after all.

10) Economy

Do you have the economic foundations?

Being suitable for love and dating does not mean that both of you are suitable to get married, because marriage something involves more of bread and butter other than romantic issues. Without the economic necessity, the marriage will not be able to go on. Two artsy individuals may not be suitable of becoming spouses, due to the reason that they may indulge in their own romantic art of living without knowing how to put bread and butter on the table.

S.L.α: Let's admit, it is something unromantic which is called life. If you grow up reading Shakespeare, you have to face the reality that if Romeo and Juliet were to escape the romantic suicide, they still have to work on filling up their stomach, now without the support of their massive family inheritance and family support. Prince and princess who escape to the peasants’ world will become peasants too. They maybe lovey dovey everyday, but for sure bread and butter are the major concern everyday than the romantic item you called love. If you have strong faith and support for each other, I believe that should not be a problem after all.

P/S: All above are for reference only, no professional advice involved.

BoysLikeGirls - Two is better than one

“For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”
― Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss

Be there for each other,

S.L α

我发现了一个内容丰富的文章标题为《10个成为夫妻的前提》原自“浪漫一生”。很多人都说爱是盲目的，但无论如何，盲人都用拐杖来行走。希望这篇文章将是那支“拐杖”。这篇文章的内容就是一些在学校无法学习到的常识，但我觉得对于一些正处于一段感情并具有共享一辈子的想法的情侣们来说会很有帮助，虽然深信那些在做这个决定情侣们已经深思熟虑。深入思考好过以后后悔，因为悲剧可能随着时间流逝而涉及到更多无辜的人。孩子始终是失败婚姻的受害者，他们需承受父母所导致的一切后果。这是无可厚非的事实。

我的个人笔记将是以斜体紫色代表。动机是希望会有更多的快乐夫妇和更多的孩子拥有幸福的家庭。

一，两个人首先得是谈得来的朋友
作为夫妻，最基本的应该是朋友，而且应是好朋友或知已，除非你们只是纯生理意义上的传宗接代型夫妻，否则连朋友关系都达不到怎么做夫妻，即使勉强做了夫妻也将无法持久。

雪莲α：好朋友未必一定会成为好夫妻，但夫妻肯定会有更多的机会和潜力可以成为很好的朋友。反正有一辈子能在一起，可不是吗？婚姻不是男人或是女人的坟墓，那是在如果我们非常清楚地知道如何不把它变成我们自己的坟墓的前提上。

二，至少有大致相同的人生价值观
物以类聚，朋友间都应该在人生观世界和价值上有基本一致的认识，至少能彼此默认对方的人生价值观，否则怎么做朋友？

朋友尚且如此，夫妻要长期生活在一起，当然更得有共同的人生价值观。夫妻追求的人生和生活目标不一致，对事物的看法存在严重的分歧，婚姻怎么进行下去？

雪莲α：没有两个人有相同的大脑结构和看待事物的方式，除非他们是100％同卵双胞胎和能够通过心灵感应进行交流。不然的话，这是不可能的。倘若你们俩拥有很多共同的看法，那真是可喜可贺。但如果你们俩有不同的看法，并不是一件坏事。有时候，以他/她的角度来看待事物可以是相当有趣的，前提是你们不要强迫对方接受你们的想法。彼此需拥抱彼此的差异，并享受彼此不同的看法的乐趣。相互支持与尊重是两个拥有不同看法的情侣维持关系的重要因素。

三，彼此要能做到充分了解信任
了解对方是人际交往的基本前提，而要想做夫妻，了解当然是最最基本要做到的。对对方不了解，对方的家庭背景，受教育情况，性格脾气，个性特质，生活习惯等等，这些都应该充分了解，至少得有基本的了解。

了解当然还远不够，在了解之后，如果你能接纳你所了解的这些东西，你还得充分的信任对方，没有信任就没有交往，夫妻尤其如此。

雪莲α：在结识某人，最有趣的部分是在认识的人的过程。这就像拼一个拥有几千块拼的拼图。最令人惊喜的是当拼图完正变成了一幅然后揭示了整个画面。接下来你须决定该如何处理你的“拼图”了。有些人在开过了你的“拼图”后会放开你的手，你可要感谢他们的仁慈哦。因为，他们现在离开你总比在没有回头路可走的时候离开你来得好。

当你已经决定珍藏他/她的那幅“拼图”时，要有所信任。这是对你自己，也是对他/她的信任。如果不能做到两小无猜，至少得有基本的信任。

四，有矛盾冲突时两人很容易沟通
人与人之间当然难免会出现一些问题和矛盾，夫妻当然也一样，而且因为天天在一起，发生摩擦冲突的可能性还更大。

有矛盾不可怕，可怕的是彼此无法沟通而让矛盾发展激化到不可收拾的地步，所以做夫妻的一个重要且基本的要件就是遇事彼此很容易就能沟通。

雪莲α：除了智力水平和良知，第三个特点来区分人类、动物和植物是自我。当我们发生冲突时，我们的自我便会加剧。我们会认为我们所做的和所说的都比其他人更“正确”。因此，当我们火冒三丈时，我们都会不经意的说一些不恰当的话或犯错。这时必须先推一步，当心情平静下来时再做决定。最重要的是必须找到上找到你们俩之间最有效的沟通方式。

五，彼此有基本的牺牲“吃亏”精神
夫妻之间是一种权利和义务的结合，但得到的东西和你付出的东西并不会总成比例，更不可能完全对等。夫妻一方总是会付出多些，而另一方会少些，作为夫妻当然不能斤斤计较，要有奉献牺牲精神。婚姻中没有谁欠谁的，也没有高低贵贱之分，甘于牺牲付出也是做夫妻基本的要件之一。

雪莲α：我们可能来自不同的家庭背景，接受不同教育程度等，这些差异不应成为贫富贵贱之分。有更好的背景或教育水平较高并不意味着你是优于另一方，毕竟一个家庭是由两个人组成。因此，尽管现实里并不可能完全平等，至少双方应该有相同的付出与贡献。如果只有一方的付出，婚姻关系不会持续很长的时间。无论是责任、权利和奉献都应该共享。

六，能做到对彼此的宽容大度
人都会犯错，人都有缺点，夫妻之间由于是近距离的接触，更能发现错误和缺点，因此作为夫妻更应有一颗宽容大度的心，能正确和理性地看待对方身上的缺点和所犯的错误，既不吹毛求疵，也不无原则地纵容。

宽容小的和无关紧的缺点和错误，帮助对方改正大的错误和缺点，夫妻要一起进步。

雪莲α：互相学习，共同成长，这是与对方分享人生的最棒的一部分。

七，志趣情趣要能基本相投
人各有志，但作为夫妻的双方，则应在志趣方面保持基本的一致，在兴趣，志趣，情趣方面能大致相同的看法观点，唯如此才能步调一致而不会越走越远甚至离心离德。

志趣基本相投才能在一起长期生活，貌合神离的夫妻不可能幸福。

雪莲α：找一些两个可以一起做的兴趣或爱好，独乐乐不如众乐乐，不是吗？

八，能经受考验，彼此支持
婚姻不同于恋爱的重要一点就是，婚姻得面对更多的现实生活压力和问题，婚姻也更烦琐甚至乏味，因而遇到的困难和难题也多得多。

无论是妻子还丈夫，无论是生活中还是工作中，都会遇到不可预期的一些难题，这并不可怕，关键是要能得到对方的坚定支持。如果一遇到问题就退缩，这连朋友都不如，以后的婚姻生活将无法进行下去。

雪莲α：问题无处不在。你可以选择面对或逃跑。不管数不胜数的逃跑，这些问题仍然会复发。夫妻必须站在同一阵线面对问题，而不是大难临头各自飞。相信大家都有听说过两个朋友与熊的故事吧，在面临困难时被人遗弃的感觉是怎样大家都知道。让我们不要重复这个故事。二个人一起应付总比一个人好，不是吗？只有相互支持，没什么问题是解决不了的。勇敢的一起奋战，那些时刻将永远是后代们最牵动人心的睡前故事。

九，能接受彼此的家庭亲人
很多年轻的恋人往往容易忽视这一点，认为婚姻是两个人的私事，可以不考虑其他，这当然是一种天真的浪漫主义。

婚姻是两个年轻人的事，也是双方父母和两个家庭的事，夫妻除了彼此的相爱，还必须要能接纳对方的家庭，假如你根本无法忍受对方父母家庭的一些作为，而他们又无法做到毫不过问你们的事，那么你今后的婚姻生活将会后患无穷。

雪莲α：婚姻独特的地方是它能结合两个家庭成为一个更大的家庭，将所有毫无血液关系的人们有了法律关系。你将多了两位父母来爱你和额外的家庭成员来支持你。中国有句谚语俗语，“相见容易相处难”。两个来自不同背景家庭的成员难免有一些摩擦和争端，但若以尊重和宽容相待，一个“内战”是可以避免的。

我们都爱我们的家人，因为他们是与我们相处了几十年的人，他们也是我们存在的原由。我们都希望他们能够被接受和被好好地对待。将他/她的家庭成员犹如自己的家庭成员般对待，因为，在你讲你的誓言并签上你的“一辈子”的和约那一刻起，他/她的家人便是你的家人了。最关键的是，毕竟双方都是你的家人啊。

十，有基本的物质经济做基础
适合谈恋爱并不等于适合结为夫妻，因为婚姻除了浪漫更多的是柴米油盐醋的现实生活，没有一定的物质经济作基础，婚姻生活不可能进行下去，所以两个过于具艺术家气质的人可能不适合做夫妻，因为他们极可能都沉于浪漫的艺术生活而不知道如道生活和赚钱养家。

雪莲α：我们必须承认，这所谓的生活就是这么的平淡无奇。如果你是读莎士比亚长大的，你必须面对的现实是，如果罗密欧与朱丽叶躲避了他们那浪漫的自杀而存活下来，他们仍然要面对没有自己的庞大的家族继承和家庭支持下如何继续生活。逃往平民世界的王子与公主最终将变成平民。他们也许还可以相爱过活，但可以肯定的是一日三餐将会是他们的主要关注。如果你们有坚强的信念和相互支持，我相信这些不该是个问题。

注：以上事项只供为参考，非专业意见.

相互支持，

雪莲α

Embracing Life

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